Thoughts of the past
by BeccaStryfe
Summary: COMPLETE Vash is devistated by Wolfwood's death. Overcome with greif he locks himself in his room and refuses to come out. Vash thinks back through his life and tries to understand why his friend died. Longer summary on top of story. Please R&R. Love and


Summary: Vash is devistated by Wolfwoods death. Overcome with greif he locks himself in his room and refuses to come out. Vash thinks back through his life and tries to understand why his friend died. Songfic (Takes place before Vash leaves the insurance girls). Warning Major spoilers and angst. If you didn't see episodes Rem Saverem, Goodbye for now, Alternative, Paradise, Sin and Under the sky so blue, then you probably shouldn't read this.   
  
Vash POV  
  
_Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing_  
  
I was standing at the door to the church. I had followed the pools of blood to this place. Inside at the front was Nicolas D. Wolfwood by his crosspunisher. I didn't know what to do. Another friend had died because of me.  
  
"Mr. Vash?" I hear Milly call to me. I quickly move to block her way in. I couldn't let her see him like this. They had both cared for each other, I knew that.   
  
"Everythings fine Milly. Go back to the hotel..." I start as I force one of my wide grins on my face. She tries to pass me, but I step in front of her. I look at her pleadingly, but she pushes me aside with all her strength.   
  
_Tried living like a blind man  
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling  
and this is how you remind me_  
  
I hear her gasp, and I am afraid to turn around. I see Meryl coming up and I decide that it is best I leave. As I pass her I face her directly hoping that she will understand. She nods her head, and I remain silent as I return to the hotel.   
  
_This is how you remind me of what I really am  
This is how you remind me of what I really am_  
  
I lock the door as I enter my room and begin to cry. Too many people have died because of me. It was my fault. I got them involved. This was my fight. "Knives..."   
  
_It's not like you to say sorry; I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking_  
  
No matter how far I travel, I can't run from it. I can't run from him. No matter how far I travel I am always followed by gunsmoke and debris. Vash the Stampede. I hate that name.  
  
_And I've been wrong  
I've been dumped into the bottom of every bottom  
_  
"Rem...what should I do?" I already know what I have to do. I have to face him. I have to confront him in order for it to end. But what will I do when I see him. I swore I would never take a life.   
  
_These five words in my head scream 'are we having fun yet'.  
yeah yeah yeah  
no no  
yeah yeah yeah  
no no  
_  
"Vash? Vash please come out. Vash?" It's Meryl. She's crying, I can tell in her voice. I don't answer. How could I have gotten them into this. I tried to drive them away. I told them it was to dangerous, but still they persisted. I smiled a little as I remember what Meryl and Milly had said to me when we first met.  
  
flashback  
  
We were walking through Inapril after the incident with the Nebraska family. I just wanted to have some fun, and get a few drinks, but Meryl refused to let me do anything.  
  
"You know, I was just wandering, how long are you guys planning on hanging around me?" I ask.  
  
"Well, always Mr. Vash. You see as Insurance Society representatives, it's are assignment to cur the damages in the cases where you're involved. Isn't that right Meryl?" Milly says  
  
"Yeah that's right..." Meryl says in annoyance. I quickly made a face in protest. I, however, didn't get to say anything.  
  
"Just what in the hell do you have to be upset about? Do you have any idea how much money the Society lost cause of the crap you've pulled?" Meryl says bitterly. I quickly sigh in defeat.  
  
end flashback  
  
_It's not like you didn't know that  
I said I love you and I swear I still do_  
  
I can't let them follow me anymore. It was there job, or their lives. I couldn't let them die because of me. I won't let anymore people get hurt.  
  
_And it must of been so bad  
cause saving women must of damn near killed you  
And this is how you remind me of what I really am_  
  
I look outside at the monument that is in the middle of the town. I scowl at the name writen in blood red. The name of the person who I must face. The one who is taunting me. Knives.  
  
_This is how you remind me of what I really am  
It's not like you to say sorry; I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking_  
  
How did this all happen. We grew up together, and we were put through the same things. How did he turn out so twisted. So evil. My own brother and I are nothing alike. But how did it happen? What did he see that I didn't, or is it what did I see that he didn't? How can he hate humans so much?  
  
_And I've been wrong  
I've been dumped into the bottom of every bottom  
These five words in my head scream 'are we having fun yet'._  
  
flashback  
  
I was running up the cliff after Knives. There was a huge blast, and I quickly covered my face in protection. When it started to clear, I looked up with a face of pure horror.   
  
"Only a 13% output. That's the best we can get." Knives says calmly  
  
"Wha...what is that?" I ask with a shaky voice.  
  
Knives turns to me. "These are our new siblings, and this one will be yours. We will use these guns to dispose of mankind." Knives says as he walks to me, and holds out the silver gun.   
  
"I...I'm not going to do that!" I yell.  
  
"Yes you will!" Knives yells back.  
  
"Never!"  
  
_yeah yeah yeah  
no no_  
  
"Then why did you follow me, and wait until I returned? Because you're hopeless on your own, isn't that right?" Knives says as he smiles. "Very well, watch me then." Knives says as he starts to walk back up the cliff.  
  
I gasp at his cruelty. "Don't!" I yell as I lunge at him. The two of us go rolling down the cliff till I manage to push both guns out of his hands. The guns go in two different directions, and Knives crawls to one of them. I try to reach the other.  
  
Knives has his gun pointed at me before I can get to mine, and I freeze. Knives begins to speak as he stands.  
  
"After 15 years, are you still so affected by that rediculous nonsense? That fantasy world created for you by the woman who lived and died by contradiction?"  
  
He lowers his gun, and I quickly grab mine and point it at Knives. "I won't let you kill any more people."  
  
_yeah yeah yeah  
no no_  
  
"Sorry dear brother, I think you misunderstood me. You're aiming at the wrong person."  
  
"They're still alive. Alive! I promised Rem...that we would make this land..."  
  
"Exactly. We will. You and I will make this land into our very own Eden. Just for us."  
  
/It's wrong./ I see an image of Rem. /This is wrong. It's wrong!/  
  
BANG  
  
_yeah yeah yeah  
no no_  
  
Knives gun falls to the ground as he clutches his leg. I look at him with a look of pure terror. He too is in shock.  
  
"My leg! My leg, it hurts, why? Why? There's so much pain in my leg!" I can't do or say anything. "Did you shoot me? Did you actually shoot me? I can't believe this, did you really shoot me?!"  
  
_yeah yeah yeah  
no no_  
  
"Aaaahhh!" I yell in horror. I run past him, grabbing his gun.  
  
"No...wait! Vash!" Knives yells, but I am too far gone.  
  
end flashback  
  
_Never made it as a wise man  
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing  
And this is how you remind me  
This is how you remind me_  
  
That day still haunts me. I still can't understand his logic. 'Kill the spiders to save the butterflies'. That was his logic. I understood that the humans were the spiders, and we were the butterflies, but I still don't approve of this logic. No one has the right to take the life of another. That's what Rem always told us. That's what I believe.   
  
"Vash? Vash please come out." It's Meryl again. Why won't she go away. Why can't she understand that she is in danger around me. "Vash please, talk to me." She sighs, but I still ignore her. "At least eat something. I made some soup. I'll leave it by the door."  
  
_This is how you remind me of what I really am  
This is how you remind me of what I really am_  
  
I hear her leave, so I open the door and take the bowl of soup. She's trying so hard. I don't know if I can really eat it, but if I just bring it in, then maybe she will relax. I once again sit on my bed and think. My earlier converstation with Wolfwood pops into my head.  
  
flashback  
  
I head out the door of the hotel to leave.  
  
"Are you leaving without saying goodbye?" Wolfwood calls from behind me. I turn around, and he pulls his sunglasses down to look at me.  
  
Wolfwood moves to stand a few feet in front of me. "I shouldn't have hit you the other day, you didn't deserve it. I'm really sorry."  
  
"It's alright." I say. There's a long pause. "Maybe there was a way out of that problem. Maybe what we should have done would've been something like..."  
  
"Shut up! That's enough!" Wolfwood yells as he reveals his large crosspunisher from the cloth it's wraped in. I gasp in shock. He levels the gun so it is aimed at me.  
  
_It's no like you to say sorry; I was waiting on a different story  
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking_  
  
"Are lives are too different Vash. You and I were destined to come to this, it's part of who I am. Long ago we started a quick draw tournament. We're going to settle it at last. Right here and now."  
  
"Why at this time?" I ask in shock.  
  
"If I tell you, will you agree to die? Draw! DRAW!"  
  
BANG  
  
_And I've been wrong  
I've been dumped into the bottom of every bottom  
These five words in my head scream 'are we having fun yet'._  
  
The bullet flies past my head, but doesn't hit me. There's a pause. "Ok, I'll do that for you. But in return will you do something for me?"  
  
"Yeah, what?" Wolfwood asks.  
  
"When this is over, and I'm dead, you don't ever shoot anyone again." I say firmly.  
  
_yeah yeah  
Are we having fun yet  
_  
"You actually expect me to become a living target like you are?" Wolfwood asks bitterly. I shake my head in disagreement. "All right, so how do you plan to get out of this perdicument, hun?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Then answer me one thing. You're obviously going after Knives, what do you intend to do once you find him?"  
  
"Many years ago he stole someone who was very important to me."  
  
"So you want revenge?" Wolfwood asks.  
  
_yeah yeah  
Are we having fun yet_  
  
"I don't know. I really don't know." I answer. We are both silent for a while.  
  
"I see. So that's how you live. That's how you choose to live." He lowers his crosspunisher. "You know what. You're an expert at pissing me off. Amazing."  
  
end flashback  
  
I stare at the bowl of soup, and find myself very hungry. I start to eat it, and reluctantly my stomach acepts it. When I finish, I gather my things and prepare to leave.  
  
_yeah yeah  
Are we having fun yet_  
  
I walk out of the room with my sunglasses on, and my bag over my shoulder. I almost make it to the door, but I'm stopped by Meryl.   
  
"Vash!"  
  
_yeah yeah  
  
pause  
  
no no(fading)_


End file.
